And So Today..

I haven’t slept and proooooobably should

330 AM. I’ve come to know you so well. But I got so much done in the last couple days. I’m excited for next year. Excited for a new room and all the fun stuff that comes with that I guess. I’d really like to pick up a Bioshock styled poster and then like a Colorado flag I think. Idk, I need to make more pictures too. I would really like that majors mask poster too cause that thing is sick as shit. I’m fucking ready for chemistry today though I think. Idk, I’m going crazy. So sleepy. Time for bed. Brush teeth now and go sleepy

rawrr

I had three things I wanted to get done today and I ended up getting one and then half of another done. I wish I could say it was for a lack of trying but I worked pretty legitimately for about 7 hours. But I got the pre-lab for chem done tomorrow and most of the ex phys lab done so that will let me finish it soon. 

I’m gonna take my laptop to the IT center tomorrow and see if they can do bootcamp and put windows on my mac and such because I would really like to play lol again. I’ve learned that watching it isn’t quite as unwinding as playing it is. So my options are to go back to zelda and keep working at that. Or get my lol back. 

asdfghjkl

this isn’t so much to vent as to say I’m sorry

this is likely to become a stream of consciousness and i don’t know where that will take me the punctuation is a result of the laptop being smart i suppose so cool i guess

i hurt someone that i care a lot about and as a result doesn’t care about me which is understandable

i think i may be as bad a person as I’ve been made out to be and thats awfully unfortunate

however i can also say that i didn’t do this because of a desire for anything else

i just don’t know what I’m doing and don’t know about anything really

but in the end

i am sorry i would never hurt you like this on purpose and you are right about all the negative things you’ve said to me i really am sorry

i wish that this would of been different but unfortunately its not

thank you for the wonderful times. I’m no martyr though, these are only true statements. i hope you enjoyed your time with me too.

I’m putting off writing my paper for as long as this takes to write because making up someone and writing about their life seems like a really mediocre idea. Like it will probably be fun and I think I can actually do well with it. But I feel kind of disappointed with the option of doing it. 

So I’m going to talk about the thing that everyone and their mom has talked about in the football world. Tim fucking Tebow. 

I honestly think he is fantastic. He’s exciting. He makes me happy to be a Bronco fan again. I love the Broncos. I’ve watched them since before when I can remember. I watched the 97/98 superbowls with my grandpa. John Elway was my favorite player and they’re things I’ll never forget. Football is one of the few things my grandpa and I have to talk about anymore and I’m just happy to be here. I am personally Christian but I wouldn’t care if he was any other religion and thanked someone with that religion at the end of every game. I don’t know what is right, but if faith makes you personally stronger, then awesome. Do whatever makes you be you. I’ll never not be a fan but sometimes it’s more fun to be a fan when you win. Who doesn’t like to win? But this is rambling and I should probably stop and get to the point.

I don’t think Tebow is the best quarterback ever. I think that he is often inaccurate is the biggest complaint I would have. The biggest thing that analysts point out is that his throwing motion is very large and way too low. I believe today is the first fumble that Tebow has had, and that is the worry with his throwing motion too low. But the issue I see is that he often just misses his receivers. Which will come with practice and keeping Decker and Thomas around. Which hopefully we do.. Learning each other and if this works for a long time they can be just the right trio to carry us through games along with whatever running back we have at the time. McGahee has been a boss. 

I think that the reason I like Tebow is that he wins and makes everyone around him either better or play better.. The team seems like they want to win when he’s in and they’ve rallied around Tebow. He comes through with the clutch play that wins. I think that 3rd and xx is just expected to happen sometimes. I think that is when I would trust his accuracy most! The broncos are 6-1 with Tebow taking over. We’ve come back from 15 point deficits in the fourth quarter and ended up winning. We came back from 10 with originally 8 minutes left in the game. It’s an exciting way to win. I have a friend at work that asked if we could sue Tim Tebow for giving heart attacks to fans everywhere. Everyone talks about how he can’t throw, but he beat the Vikings with his arm last week. He had a 75% completion rate in the 4th quarter against the bears today.

At the end of this day though, I’m just glad to be a Bronco fan. I want to see Tim Tebow win. I don’t expect to win a superbowl. But I want to win. I want the excitement instead of just watching us struggle to a loss. So go Broncos! 

PS: Today was not won by Tim Tebow. Game MVP for the Broncos was Marion Barber. But at the end who led them there I guess? Maybe I’m just a tebowmaniac at this point. Someone cure me.

I kind of wonder if you’re starting to believe the bullshit you weave. If you actually think before you do anything. Or if you just write these things hoping that other people will believe you. I don’t know what is wrong with you. But I feel bad for you.

im so drunk, i cant see straight and i have so much anger at this moment i wish iw asnt fucking drunk because i want to beat the shit out of this kid fucking piece of fucking shit. i swear to god im going to fucking fuck him him up. i cant even see staright but fuck this fuck everything. i dont even give a fuckign shit im so fucking done. fuck everythign im cutting so i can feel something. i almost feel like i wish i was dead. maybe not dead, but fake a death. go somewhere where no one can know me. where nothing can happen. where nothign matters. i just am drunk fuck i dont know fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuCk cufk fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfioehfeio0ghlow’ fjOdj                                                        dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddgood 

giidenough

I really hate me.

Because this is the only place I can write this

Dear Miguel, 

I haven’t told anyone to talk to you. I had originally wanted Jon to because I didn’t want Tina to be angry with me. But that was wrong and it’s why I talked to you directly. My best friend isn’t suing me. He and I had a car accident in which the insurance company didn’t help him as they should.  Also, I have never been to court for rape. My roommate freshman year was upset that I had sex in my dorm room and called the police because he thought Bri was younger she was. Since I had done nothing wrong, nothing happened.

I want to point out, I have never attacked you in any of this. You honestly don’t hurt me, but I’m having a hard time understanding why you think it’s necessary.

I never once manipulated Tina. I never touched her while she was unconscious. But heres some stories to ask her about. Also I just wanted to say that by your standard you consider Jon a rapist. 

Ask her about the first night she came over to my house. I actually remember asking if I could kiss her which she said yes. Then her hands were on me. I wasn’t wearing a shirt already but her hands were in my pants. So by your logic she raped me there. Anyways, the point of the story is when her pants came off she had no pubic hair. When I asked her later if she planned on it happening she told me, “I wasn’t sure but I wanted to be prepared just in case.” Sure doesn’t sound like rape there. Sounds like she wanted it.

You know the number one thing I remember her saying to me when we had sex. She begged me to orgasm inside of her. Every time.  I tried to stop having sex with her on a few occasions because I wasn’t sure about it and she begged me not to because she wanted me to feel good. Sounds like consensual sex that she wanted.

Ask her about a Friday night in September where she called me at 130 in the morning. I joked about how I wasn’t wearing a shirt and she goes, “Well heres three things I can do here. I could just pretend I didn’t hear that, I could tell you I’m touching myself right now, or I could go get a teasing picture of myself.” We then proceeded to have phone sex. 

The day she moved me up to Boulder I said, “lets take a shower and then lets get ready for dinner” to which she said yes please. When we got into the shower, I washed her hair and she washed mine and then she grabbed a hold of my penis and put it inside her. So either she raped me or that was consensual sex.

I believe you should also ask her about why she called in the middle of the night, woke me up, and she said, “I just wanted to tell you that I think I’m in love with you.” How did I  manipulate that one.

It was always consensual. I never manipulated her in any way. 

 Chris said something, even though you are no longer friends because he honestly was worried about you; No matter what happened in your past. Jon honestly does care about you and is your friend and thats why he did. You should go talk to Evan in meat about it. Tina had told him something about her and I. 

I’m attaching something I found in my phone today. I’m not trying to say in any way that it’s saying she loves having sex with me but look at the words. They weren’t provoked. I remember taking a picture of it because it had meant so much that she had called me novio.

I’m very sorry for everything that happened. I do feel bad about it.

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